Lessons from a tree tunnel
Last week I forgot everything I’ve been learning for years. Why does this happen? We do the work, we read, join the groups, meditate, journal, and then we forget and re-learn it over and over again.
I’ve been feeling frustrated by my fragility. After immersing myself in everything the world had to offer on cyclical living and honouring my monthly cycle, I forgot it all and tumbled into the exhaustion of my bleed - fighting it all the way. Ignoring the pain and carrying on, waking exhausted and carrying on. Impatient with my family, distracted and feeling generally sad. Then, forgetting all my mindfulness practice and judging myself for all of this. Berating myself, I should know better, I should do better. No compassion.
I remind myself that menstrual symptoms are our fifth vital sign. When something is off, it’s a sure sign something is generally out of balance. Maybe stress, toxins, alcohol consumption, diet, sleep quality. Probably all of the above in my case this month.
One morning last week, I dragged my achey body out for a walk hoping a bit of time in nature would help. As always it did. My favourite thing in nature has to be a good tree tunnel. I knew where I could find one. I have a little loop walk I can take straight from the school run. My feet automatically take me, my mind can switch off. Leaving the chaos of the school yard I’m soon into the woods. I strolled through, ensconced by the trees, held, reminded I’m ok. I thought to myself, how bare this patch of woodland was just 8 weeks ago. How I could see to the far side of the woods and now, I couldn’t see much except thick lush greenery. Everything felt so alive. I could hear bells chiming in the distance, birds singing in every direction. And beyond it all, life happening on the main roads far beyond my line of vision. The blue bells were on their way out as was the wild garlic. The light smattering of snow from the white wild garlic flowers will soon melt back to green.
Reminded, I might be feeling stripped bare, tired, quiet and morose just now but it won’t be this way for ever. It probably won’t even be this way tomorrow.
I’m reminded, I might be feeling stripped bare, tired, quiet and morose just now but it won’t be this way for ever. It probably won’t even be this way tomorrow. As the winter phase of my menstrual cycle ends and my energy returns I will bloom again. I have the opportunity all over again to take notice. To note my energy levels, to adjust my days accordingly where I can. To offer myself more compassion when I get it wrong.
A week later I return to writing this piece a different woman. The energy of the full moon and ovulation phase of my cycle has me feeling light and optimistic, despite the heavy rain. I almost didn’t take my morning walk because of the rain (which is silly as it’s only water after all). I’m glad I didn’t listen to the little voice telling me I must be mad to walk in this down pour. The woods were more magical than ever.
This morning the rain felt invigorating, noisy and fresh. A rain drop rolled right off an oak leaf and into my ear as if to whisper something to me. Today I feel creative and new. I wish last week’s me could take a peek at me today and surrender a little, knowing I was going to feel so much happier and more vital so soon.
If you are feeling a little morose and your energy is low. Please take this as a reminder that you are a beautiful cycle wonder of nature. The wheel will turn and you will feel different very soon.
